Hey, Loves! I’m back with another secret, though it should damn well be a known fact.
There are good men in the world.
I feel like it’s something that isn’t said enough and I think it’s time we start admitting the truth to ourselves. You see by constantly saying that all men ain’t shit, all men are dogs/pigs, these niggas be trifling, men are trash; we’re creating what’s called a Confirmation Bias. What’s even more heartbreaking about us creating this bias, is that now, men believe they have the right to treat people like trash and we have to accept it because “It’s not like you didn’t know men ain’t shit.”
*sssskkkkkrrrrrrttttttt* (click this it makes noise, lol) Pardon me, kind sir? I’ll have to stop you right there. 
What I KNOW is, there’s no darkness without light. Let me elaborate.
“Good can exist without evil, whereas evil cannot exist without good.” – Thomas Aquinas.
There will always be good men, but if you’re only seeking to find the bad/evil in someone then that’s JUST what you’re going to find. You cannot find a good man if you’re looking for a dog. It’s like saying you want to lose weight while munching on a piece of cake. It’s counterproductive baby.
I’m a firm believer in the law of attraction and even if you don’t believe in it (which is your prerogative after all) then, here’s a scientific explanation for why you simply cannot continue believing that “all men are bad” while claiming to look for a good man.
What is Confirmation Bias, for $200 Alex. (click this one too…LOL, I crack myself up. If you don’t get the Jeopardy reference, you might be too young to be reading this.)
Confirmation Bias (or confirmatory bias): occurs from the direct influence of desire on beliefs. When people would like a certain idea/concept to be true, they end up believing it to be true. This error leads the individual to stop gathering information when the evidence gathered so far confirms the views (prejudices) one would like to be true.
Let’s talk about this…
We can’t in good conscience keep tearing our men down and expect them to lift us up. What we need to be doing is building them as we build ourselves. Let’s learn and grow together babes. There are good men, just like there are bad women. We aren’t angels either. Women do some pretty fucked up shit to men and then complain that we can’t find a good one. It’s sad really. We’re stuck in this vicious cycle of blame and negativity and it’s time that we free ourselves from it. Hop off that mother fucking hamster wheel and go find what you really want.
If you want a good man, be a good woman. Make sure that you’re bringing something good to the table and I’m not just talking about a good job, an education or a banging body. Is your mind right boo? Are you emotionally stable? Have you adequately grieved your previous relationship? Are you a WHOLE person? Ask yourself these questions.
Too often we say we want things that quite frankly we don’t deserve. If you, within yourself aren’t ready for a relationship or for that “good” man who you claim to seek so avidly, then why do you think that God or the Universe or whatever you believe in (serendipity or otherwise), would give it to you. You get what you deserve/work for, not necessarily what you ask for.
“Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight.” – Mark Victor Hansen
You can pray all you want, but if you aren’t deserving of what you’re asking for… you’ll learn a hard lesson when it never comes. Before you seek a good man and fuck him up, ultimately creating another fuckboy to complain about; I’m urging you to fix yourself first. We have enough emotionally inept people walking around out here, let’s not add another one to the statistic. Let’s not breed any more hate. 2018 is the year of love and I want you to find it.
“What you seek is seeking you.” – Rumi.
I just need you to open your eyes first.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but I know I do. So here it goes, let’s not go out there with unrealistic expectations looking for a fairytale. I know Disney gave us all these grand ideas about finding “Prince Charming” but we live in the real world and pumpkins don’t turn into chariots, we don’t have fairy godmothers and we never left a goddamn glass slipper at a damn royal ball. Be realistic about what you expect from people, especially when you know it’s not something you can do yourself. Perfection DOES NOT exist. Patience is a virtue and please, don’t be selfish; no one likes a brat. I already told you, Gratitude is key.
NOW, don’t come for me if I didn’t send for you. I’m not saying there aren’t “bad” men… or as I like to call them “Worthless Mf’ers”, there are… there definitely are BUT there are lots of females that aren’t any better.
In a sea full of fuckboys and fuckgirls, be a life raft.
You have to learn to sift through the bullshit to find the good shit.
Learn who and what deserves your energy. Don’t put on those rose-tinted glasses and ignore all the RED flags and then claim that good men don’t exist. You are the one responsible for your happiness, no one else. If you pick up a pebble and pretend its a diamond, it won’t miraculously turn into one… It’ll still just be, what it always was… a PEBBLE. So, choose wisely. Protect your energy. Protect your heart and don’t let anyone make a fool of you but don’t let your pride and fear control you either. Work on finding a healthy balance in your life. Work on fortifying your intuition, so you can identify who and what feels good and right with your soul. What meshes well with your morals, values, and principles, not just with your body.
Denial is not a river in Egypt; It’s real and rampant and you don’t wanna end up with the shitty end of the stick, so you better open your eyes baby. If he is treating you like shit and you’re only “talking” or “dating”… what do you honestly think is going to happen when you give him a chance? Don’t do it. Walk away and spare yourself some heartache and pain so you won’t end up a bitter bitch. Nobody likes a bitter bitch, be a BETTER bitch.
Be the best version of yourself and good people will find you. You won’t even have to look. The person you are seeking WILL find you when your energy is where it should be. You don’t have to kiss all the frogs to find a prince, you just need to learn to spot the real ones. One man broke your heart, don’t make them all pay for it.
A King is searching, but you have to be a Queen first.
To my Gods and Goddesses, I wish you nothing but love and happiness. ❤ Love and light to you all. Peace and light to you all.
PS: Being good is subjective and you may think you’re a “good” man but you may actually be the opposite by someone else’s standards.
Photo Credit: Nicholle Kobi
The Goddess Table 