Hey, Lovelies. We as women have a number of ridiculous expectations going into relationships. We expect men to be fairytale princes. Every girl has once had the fantasy of finding her own Prince Charming who rides in on his white horse and sweeps you away or falls in love with you at a ball, where you hastily left your glass slipper. Listen to me, your name is not Cinderella or Belle or whatever else those Disney Princesses names are. Hell, you aren’t even Meghan Markle.
*slap* You are far too grown to still believe in fairy tales. As a matter of fact, I think fairy tales have done us an injustice by helping to create these unrealistic expectations of a perfect relationship and happily ever afters. We’ve been mindfucked into believing that the perfect human exists, the person who will “complete” you and make all the wrongs in your life right again. Repeat after me: My name is *insert name*, I’m from *insert location* and I need to check myself and my unrealistic expectations. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you not to have standards. What I am telling you, however, is to set realistic expectations for yourself and the people around you. You’re far from perfect and so is he/she. Fairytale princes are make-believe.
Welcome to the Real World, we have flaws here.
Expectations and falling in love with potential are what lands most of us in these unfortunate predicaments. Too often I’ve heard people make excuses for the shitty behavior of their significant other because they “have the potential to be great”. I am going to need you folks to stop this shit ASAP. Stop ignoring red flags and compromising your morals, values and general standards for the sake of having a man/woman. Red flags are red flags for a reason. Stop letting people tell you the steamy pile of shit they’re feeding you is caviar. Shit will always be shit.
Just so we’re clear…let’s talk about Standards….what are they? A standard by definition is a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment. I’ve been noticing a pattern recently, where women feel like they need to compromise their standards to get a man because of the supposed lack of good men or the disparities in education and finances. We need to have standards because it is a means of establishing how we would like things to be; it is the foundation upon which we base most of our decisions. However, in order to have “standards”, you need to first know what you want and what you will be willing to accept, particularly when it comes to dealing with relationships.
If you don’t know what you want or how you would like to be treated then you have no basis for judgment and as the old adage goes, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” I think most people have at least a general idea of what they’re looking for in a significant other, whether you base it on a fairytale or your father is a matter that you need to address with yourself and your shrink. My point is you need a baseline to build upon and from there you can add and subtract accordingly, usually based on experience.
For clarity’s sake, I’m not referring to these unreasonable lists of characteristics that some of us have. While I know you may have a physical type that you are attracted to that doesn’t mean that you are going to be completely averse to entertaining anyone that doesn’t fit a physical characteristic. In the past, I myself have fallen victim to this, found a physical flaw to nitpick at when the man was as close to perfect as I could get otherwise; “He’s nice but I mean he’s short.” The self-sabotage was real, but that’s a topic for another time.
Never compromise who you are for the sake of not being alone, you’ll end up lonely anyway. It’s also why the cliché exists, that before you love anyone, you must first love yourself. It’s important to have a general idea of who you are, what you want in your life and what are your hard no’s. Don’t wait until you include another human into life to try to figure this out. In my opinion, that’s the mistake our parents made and it’s why the divorce rate among our age group is so high. It was taboo to get divorced in their time so they clung to their dysfunctional marriages and relationships in order to save face, gone are those days. It’s a lot more acceptable to get rid of anything that isn’t serving you now, as it should be. The baseline issue still remains, however, many individuals aren’t taking the time to figure out who they are, who they want to be and what that means for their relationship. When they finally become self-aware, more often than not, they’ve already committed to a marriage that contradicts their very essence. At that point, divorce seems to be the only feasible option.
We now lie at the opposite end of the spectrum to our parents. They worked too hard to hold onto things that didn’t work for them while we’re too quick to let go of everything, forever in search of fulfillment in the form of another person, completely ignoring the fact that the person we should be searching for is ourselves. We lack the spirit of compromise that our parents had and it may be harming us more than helping us because what we truly need to adapt is the spirit of discernment. This is what has led to the hoard of bitter and unhappy millennials who can’t fathom the existence of “love” because all they’ve ever known is compromise and pain. It’s time we break the vicious cycle and begin the healing process. So, my lovelies, set your standards high and stick to them, but don’t expect too much because not everyone will be able to meet them. I didn’t say it would be easy, but I promise it will be worth it. The only happily ever after is the one you create.
“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.” – Ernest Hemingway
Adjust Your Crown and Carry on…
The Goddess Table 