“There are of plenty of fish in the sea.”
I’m sure someone has told you this at least once before; be it after a breakup or during a long, lonely single season. As someone who has been single for quite a while, I have undoubtedly heard it one too many times. The sad part is, I think the proverbial deep blue sea may be hella polluted. The only fish that keep finding me are the horribly mutated ones with entitlement issues and bad attitudes or the dreaded cheater fish that tries to float into every pond. LOL
Okay, no, seriously. Is it only me that seems to be coming across a lot of men that weigh in a little too heavily on their male privilege? or ask socially unacceptable questions?
I think what they forget to add when they tell you about the fish and the sea, is that sometimes, you aren’t in the sea. Sometimes, you’re fishing in a shallow murky pond with a toothpick, a piece of string and a peanut as your bait, so chances are you just might not CATCH anything (or at least not anything “good”).
When most of us envision this vast sea full of prospects and potential mates, we don’t stop to consider that we may have to dredge through the muck and filth to find what we’re truly looking for. The truth is being single can be HARD, even harder than being in a relationship with someone. It requires being in a relationship with yourself and that in itself can sometimes be a horror story waiting to happen. We’re often so afraid of confronting our own demons that we jump from relationship to relationship, hoping to stumble upon that “spark” or “light in the darkness” (Random Side Note: Shubh Divali); that one person who makes our existence a little less shitty.
The problem with that, my loves, is that, when that person gets sick of your shit because trust me, they will; you owe it to yourself to take a step back and start constructing a new fishing rod, or even a wetsuit because sometimes, YOU are the problem. My mother loves to remind me that “Charity begins at home and ends abroad.” This doesn’t just apply to family and friends, but most importantly to YOURSELF. Your first priority in life should always be your own health and well-being because here’s another cliché (prepare yourselves), “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Take your singleness as the opportunity to learn your quirks, your likes, your dislikes, your bad habits, your strengths, and weaknesses. Take the time to learn to love who you are and where you are in life. Find those deep dark corners of yourselves (the parts you think are unlovable) and love them too. It’s important that we love ourselves at every stage; as well as it’s important for us to identify and work on ALL our shortcomings. Don’t be that person that cops out of their responsibility by saying, “That’s just how I am.” (click this) Maybe that is how you are NOW, but that doesn’t have to be WHO you are FOREVER. Do better, Susan.
(Happy Scorpio Season)
Let’s take a dive, FUCK fishing.
I’ve turned this idea over in my head a few times and I’ve concluded that while fishing is nice and there’s the element of surprise, like that gross mystery candy game; maybe what would be better for us as individuals is to stop fishing and start deep-sea diving. I have a friend who swears by the therapeutic effects of being alone in the vast ocean, appreciating its beauty and becoming sensitized to exactly how tiny we are in this great big world. Significant, yet insignificant. I’d like to propose that we tap into a similar vein. That we take the time to appreciate our own beauty, to harness it and manipulate it to become the best possible version of ourselves, to appreciate how insignificant we are while being the most significant thing in our own worlds. I want to propose that instead of going fishing for potential mates and just looking at the surface of the water in hopes of something majestic finding us, that we explore the depths of ourselves and the people we interact with. Form bonds based on things other than good looks and good jobs. Form bonds with a deeper foundation. Don’t go for convenient, go for substance.
A new year is coming and I don’t know about you but there is enough superficiality and frivolity bombarding us on a daily basis on social media. Where’s the soul food? Where are the REAL influencers? Where is the Depth? Is this the legacy we want to leave? When looks fade or money is lost, what do you truly have?
The sea is full of pretty, shallow things. It’s full of mutated men and women, with unresolved issues and toxic traits. There may be plenty of fish in the sea but that does not mean the pickings aren’t slim because when you start narrowing things down and you stop to consider; people who may not be culturally, sexually, physically or emotionally compatible; people who are taken; people who are simply not looking for anything… you’re only left with a handful of fish and a wish. So, I urge you to create contentment in your life. Live a life you love, find things that you love, learn HOW to love, dive to the depths of your relationships (and all other ships) and unearth their hidden potential because sometimes you may not even need to go fishing. That fish that you’re breathlessly seeking may already be in your bucket, you just overlooked it because it wasn’t “fresh”. While navigating these turbid waters don’t be caught without a paddle and most definitely throw back the rotten fish. Get your head right so you can get your heart right.
Like my mother always says, “The fish does rotten from the head.” (in my heaviest Trini accent). I hope you find a worthy Fish. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Photo Credit: Brionya James Creations.
Dive Deeper Royalty.
Adjust those Crowns, pull up those Khakis and let’s do this!
The Goddess Table 